for once i could be brave (dreamsighted) wrote,
for once i could be brave

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love is suicide

Dad came home.

He dropped by for a couple hours yesterday to see us and it was pretty awkward. One of the first things he did was take a framed photo of his brother and my mom's dad and cut it down the middle. He put the half with my uncle into a book I lent him and put my grandpa back into the frame. When my mom came home, he subtly made fun of her for getting her master gardener certification. He played Uno with the kids and then took off.

My mom talked to an addictions counselor today who told her that my dad cutting the picture was an act of domestic violence. I don't know how I feel about that. Yes, destruction of someone's property does fall into that category, but I don't know why he did it, it may have been completely neutral in his head and he just wanted a picture of my uncle. Whatever his reason, it wasn't a nice thing to do, and I found myself falling into mascot territory and trying to defuse the situation with humor.

I can't stand this much longer. I can't stand seeing my mom so down and with me unable to help her almost at all. I don't have the energy to do all her housework, I try to take care of dinner on nights where she's too worn down to cook, but other than that I feel helpless and useless. I feel like if I get out of here, things will get better.

Tomorrow my case manager's taking me to apply for subsidized housing in Holland and I'm hoping I get it and can move out soon. It'd be close enough that I could come home and spend time with my mom, but far away enough that I'd get distance from what's happening. So yeah, if you're a praying person, prayers would be nice.
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